The Blaine Song
by remuswolfylupin
Summary: A slight songfic. There's nothing happy about this one.
1. The Blaine Song

_I'm baaaaack! Haha. I apologize for being away for so long. For those who have been reading my story 'Don't know where, don't know when' chapter 13 is coming. I swear._

_For now, you get this! And it's not happy. The epilogue is even unhappier. It's based off 'The Harold Song' by Ke$ha. Yeah. I know, right?_

* * *

><p>"Great show today, Mr. Hummel."<p>

Kurt Hummel wearily lifted his gaze up from the stack of photos he was currently viewing. It was one of those nosy reporters again. He recognized this one too. Molly Whatever her last name was. "Thanks, Molly. Did you catch the whole thing or did you just come in for the last bit to get enough to try and rub my face in the dirt for once?"

Molly had apparently made it her goal to try and get as much dirt on those she reported on as possible. Kurt hated those types of reporters. Some he had met were just trying to find interesting things to write about, others were genuinely interested in what he did, and some, like Molly, just wanted to try and bring him down.

Well, so far, Molly had got nothing. Kurt Hummel was a gifted, shining new star on the horizon of the fashion industry. He was smart, young – only 26 - down right gorgeous, enthusiastic, and a single gay man who apparently was currently not interested whatsoever in being romantically involved.

"Actually I managed to see the whole thing, surprisingly." Molly grinned, brushing some of her reddish brown hair over her shoulder as she set her folder down on Kurt's desk. "And I heard some interesting comments. Everyone's saying you'll go pretty far if you keep going the way you are currently."

"Well, that's marvelous." Kurt replied, trying to sound at least a little interested in what she had to say. He was not going to give her any reason to bash him in whatever article she wrote next. Things had to keep going well if he was to go up in the fashion world. "I'd love to chat more, but I need to get home and finish some more designs, so if you'll excuse me..." He had stuffed the photos from that night's fashion show into a large envelope and was grabbing his leather work bag to leave.

Molly looked disappointed. She followed him to the door, attempting to get him to stay. "Aw, how about a drink or something and we could talk for a bit? You know everyone is going to want to know even more about you now. I would love to-"

"Sorry, Molly." Kurt interrupted, shaking his head as he smiled lightly at her. The smile did not reach his eyes. "I'm really tired from today and need to get the rest of my work done. Maybe next time." And with that he was shooing her out of his office and locking the door behind them.

When Kurt got home to his apartment that night though, he did not finish his latest design sketches. He dropped his bag on the couch, set the picture envelope on the coffee table, went into his room to change out of his expensive suit, and then crawled into bed. It was only after he turned his lamp off that the tears started rolling down his face.

Another typical night.

_A month_. He thought to himself. _It's been a month._

* * *

><p>And the whole routine started all over again the next day.<p>

Kurt would get up, get dressed, grab coffee, go into work, act like the happy, enthusiastic fashion designer he needed to be, and then go home to cry in the dark alone, all by himself. He had been doing this for a month now. It was pathetic.

He used to not be like this.

Hiding the fact that he was miserable was more trouble and stressful than he would have thought. When it came to his personal life that's what he wanted it to be – personal. The world did not need to read about his personal business on the covers of magazines or online. And he should be happy really. One of his big dreams was coming true. He was getting to work in fashion and start his own clothing line. It was amazing.

Maybe Kurt could enjoy life more if _he_ had not ruined it.

When Kurt got into work he was surprised to see Molly there again. She was waiting outside his office, leaning against the wall. "Molly, what the heck are you doing back here again?"

"Sorry." Molly shrugged, stepping away from the wall. "I left my folder on your desk yesterday and need to pick it up."

Oh. Kurt sighed and unlocked his office, heading inside and setting his bag down as Molly went over and picked up her folder from where she had left it.

"Thanks." Molly told him, stuffing the folder into her own bag. "I should probably head out now, but we really should go for drinks-"

There was a knock on the door and they both looked up to see Kurt's secretary at the door. "Sorry to interrupt but there's someone here to see you, Kurt. He says it'll only take a minute."

Kurt had really kind of been hoping for a little bit of quiet time in his office before dealing with lots of people, but apparently that was not going to happen. "Alright. May as well send him in, Molly's just leaving."

The secretary walked off again and Molly pouted as she was clearly being rapidly dismissed. "You're never going to go get a drink with me, are you?"

Kurt actually grinned, shaking his head. "Probably not. Sorry."

There was another knock on the door and Kurt's grin quickly faded when he saw who it was, his eyes widening slightly. _Great, you just had to show up while Molly was here._

"Sorry, is this a bad time?" The visitor looked quite uncomfortable when he noticed someone else was in the room.

Kurt had to get Molly out of here fast. He was not going to let her find out about this particular secret.

"Blaine!" He tried to look at least slightly cheerful as he spoke the visitor's name, jumping up from his chair. "What a...surprise." Dear lord, please don't let Molly think anything's off right now. "It's not a bad time, Molly was just leaving. Weren't you, Molly?"

He grabbed Molly's hand and led her to the door, talking a bit faster than he probably should be. "I'm sure we'll see each other again, Molly. Sorry I couldn't give you anything good to write about, goodbye."

"Who's this?" Molly could not help asking as Kurt literally shoved her out the door.

"Just a friend from school. Talk to you later." He continued to smile as much as he could until he had shut the door, effectively getting rid of her.

Which was good except for the fact that now he was stuck alone in his office with the very person who had been making him miserable for the past month.

Kurt turned from the door, trying not to make eye contact with Blaine as he moved over to his desk. He wanted to be as far away from Blaine as possible, even if at the same time he could feel himself yearning to be as close as possible.

"What are you doing here?" He asked quietly, his gaze fixed on the floor. His heart was beating rapidly in his chest; it was painful.

"I heard about your show last night." Blaine replied. "I just wanted to congratulate you on it."

Kurt looked up at Blaine, angry tears in his eyes. "That's bull. How can you come here after what you did and just say that? You shouldn't have even come in the first place. I don't want you here anymore, please leave."

"Kurt..." Blaine took a step closer.

"No!" Kurt shouted, gripping the edge of his desk painfully. "Don't come near me; don't even think about contacting me or anything anymore. You broke my heart, Blaine, and it'll be a lot easier for me to pretend nothing's wrong if you're not around." He wanted to continue but his voice cut off in a sob. Not wanting to cry in front of his ex, Kurt closed his eyes and tried taking a deep breath. "I don't need someone like Molly catching hold of this, so I have to be fine. I have to. Now go."

He did not want to open his eyes again until Blaine was gone. As soon as he would hear the door click shut again then he could open them. He could feel Blaine's eyes on him, staring at him just like he had a month ago. On that day when he ruined everything and just stared while the light faded from Kurt's eyes.

"I love you." The door was opened and then shut once more.

Kurt had frozen at the words. He refused to open his eyes until it felt like a good few minutes had passed since the door had shut. When he finally opened his eyes the room was indeed empty.

Except he could still few Blaine's presence, heavy and familiar to his aching heart.

"Why would you say that?" Kurt broke into sobs, sliding down the front of his desk to sit on the floor, drawing his knees to his chest. _I will always love you._

It felt like ages later when he finally managed to stop crying and get off the floor, moving over to wearily sink down onto his desk chair. There was no way he would be able to get any work done today. Hopefully no one would think it odd if he took a personal day.

Kurt called his secretary from his office and informed her that he would be taking off to handle some personal business. She was surprised but just told him to have a good day and that she would take messages for him for whenever he returned.

Sighing, Kurt grabbed a spare pair of black sunglasses he kept in his desk drawer and put them on before grabbing his work bag and leaving the office. He knew that when he cried it was always pretty obvious afterward. His eyes would always be a bit puffy and reddish. No one needed to see that.

* * *

><p>Maybe going to get a drink or two had not been the best idea. Kurt knew he did not handle alcohol well. Luckily it really only had been two drinks and they were not really strong ones. He managed to make it out of the bar by himself and catch a cab home by at least ten p.m.<p>

After having left his office Kurt had just gone home. There was no way he wanted to be around people right after seeing Blaine again.

Kurt had met Blaine Anderson during high school. They had been attending different schools at the time, competing against one another's glee clubs for show choir competition. Kurt had probably fallen in love at first sight, really. Blaine was attractive, a complete gentleman, and had a voice to die for.

Kurt used to like to listen to Blaine speak for hours.

They knew each other for months before they even started dating. Kurt had felt like it was years, but in the end their relationship was worth the wait. Theirs was a relationship that everyone knew would last. And it did. They made it through the rest of high school and even through college. Sure they had their problems – what relationship doesn't? – but they always fixed things in the end.

Changing out of his work attire, Kurt went into his rather huge closet to find something simple and comfy to wear. Right near the door of his closet was hanging a soft, light blue collared shirt. It was a few years old and Kurt had only worn it once.

It was the shirt he wore when he and Blaine snuck into a Lady Gaga concert.

That was in their first year of college. Kurt had been worried that they would end up never seeing each other once he moved to New York for college, but Blaine had surprised him by telling him that he was moving to New York as well. A few months into the school year they found out that Lady Gaga was having a concert in the city, but by that time tickets were sold out. Kurt had been rather disappointed, but Blaine surprised him yet again by sneaking them in. Kurt had freaked out about being caught the entire time but in the end they were not caught and Kurt quite enjoyed himself. It was a little overwhelming actually and when she sang 'Born This Way' Kurt had even cried. Blaine had held him tightly, kissing his cheek and singing along softly with him.

That was the day Blaine first told Kurt he loved him.

Why did Kurt still have this shirt? Back then he had decided to keep it because he had sworn it was the best night of his life. Now it was just a sad reminder of the love he once had, the love he would never get back.

He yanked it off the hanger and turned with the intent to...to what? Should he just throw it out? He would never wear it again so there was no point in saving it. Not knowing what else to do, Kurt just went into the kitchen and dropped the shirt into the trash can. He did not need these memories around anymore.

The summer of their junior year of college, Blaine surprised him with a special trip to France. They would go together and site see. Kurt had protested at first, not wanting Blaine to spend the money for the plane tickets and everything, but Blaine had insisted that it was something he really wanted to do. Eventually Kurt had agreed to go with and then boy was he ever so excited. They planned out all the places they were going to see and what they would do while there.

The trip was more amazing than he could have thought. Near the end of their trip they visited the Eiffel Tower. They sat on a bench together, soaking up the sunlight and enjoying the sights and sounds all around them. Kurt had reached out to take Blaine's hand in his and that was when Blaine asked him to move in with him once they returned home.

Kurt had stared at him for a few seconds, asking him if he was serious. Blaine had nodded, assuring him that he was indeed serious, and Kurt had squealed loudly, saying yes, of course he wanted to move in with him, and had hugged Blaine tightly.

That was the day Blaine had promised him they would last forever.

He gave Kurt a promise ring.

Kurt still has it.

After throwing the shirt away, Kurt went back into his bedroom to sit at the edge of his bed. It was not even the after one yet; there was no point in going to sleep. And honestly he did not feel like staying home anymore to just cry. He could not live the rest of his life like this. It just would not work.

Then his phone started ringing. Kurt had no intention of answering it. What if it was Blaine? Nah, it couldn't be. This was Kurt's new apartment. Blaine did not have the number. The answering machine picked up and the voice he heard had him running to pick the phone up.

"Rachel?"

"Kurt!" His old friend from high school sounded relieved to hear his voice. "I was worried you wouldn't answer."

"Sorry. I was just...scared." Kurt knew it was ridiculous, but he felt safe voicing his fears because Rachel would never make fun of him for it. After high school she had changed a lot. Not to the point that she was a completely different person, but enough that pretty much everyone in their old glee club could actually stand being around her more often. Rachel Berry was still the loud, out spoken girl she had been in high school, but she was a lot less selfish now and spent more time worrying about others than just herself, especially when it came to Kurt. They had spent a lot of time together after both having moved to New York and had become pretty much best friends.

"Well, Blaine doesn't have your number so you're safe." Rachel told him softly. "I called because I haven't heard from you in a while and you know how worried about you I've been since...last month."

Kurt had gone to sit on his couch and curled up, feeling a bit calmer now that he was talking with his friend. "I've been...the same as always this past month. I'm miserable, Rachel. I shouldn't be miserable. I should be happy because I am awesome and have this wonderful new clothing line." He sighed, closing his eyes and leaning back against the couch pillow. "He came in to my office today."

"He what?" Rachel gasped, shocked. "Why?"

"He said he wanted to just congratulate me on my show from last night." Just thinking about it made him angry again. "I told him that was crap and basically kicked him out. I left the office shortly afterward and now I'm just taking a personal day."

Rachel was silent for a few seconds before talking again. "Kurt, I know how when you're upset you just throw yourself into your work, but I think it may be healthy for you to take a couple of days off."

"I can't, Rachel." Kurt sighed, wishing it was just that easy. "There's just too much work to be done."

"Please think about it, Kurt." Rachel begged. "Look, I don't have any shows for at least three weeks. You can come stay with me for a while and we'll have some 'girl time' like we used to."

Well, he did miss having girl time. "Alright, I'll think about it." He actually smiled when he heard Rachel squealing happily on the other end of the line. "I'll call you tomorrow, okay?"

"Great!" Rachel was probably grinning over at her apartment. Kurt could just tell. "I miss seeing you so much, Kurt. Take it easy. And if you don't call me tomorrow I will personally show up at your apartment to drag you over."

Kurt did not want her to do that. It would probably be terrifying. "I will. I promise." They said their goodbyes and Kurt hung up the phone feeling slightly better.

By eight he had gotten dressed in something casual and left his apartment for the bar, not wanting to be home any longer. Once at the bar he sat by himself, holding his first drink and just watching everyone else. Luckily no one ever really approached him. On occasion when he went out he did have to deal with a few girls or guys hitting on him, but tonight was not one of those nights thankfully.

After their trip to France, Kurt had moved in with Blaine. It made things a lot easier considering they never had to decide anymore which apartment they were going to hang out at. And living together meant being able to see each other more often and sleep together more often. Kurt had loved waking up in the morning, feeling Blaine's warm body next to his. Sometimes Blaine would wake up before him and would try to wake him up by tickling him or rubbing his unshaven cheeks against his face. Kurt would laugh and push him away, but it would never be long until they were both wide awake and cuddling just a little bit longer before getting up for the day. They had fun living together. Sure there were problems they ran into along the way, but they dealt with every one of them and moved on.

Neither of them drank a lot but on occasion they would go out to a bar just to spend some time outside of their apartment. One time, Kurt remembers, a guy was quite obviously drunk and hitting on him. Blaine had never been the real jealous type, but it had been obvious that he was getting annoyed by how the other guy was acting. They had left the bar early that night and once they made it back to the apartment Blaine had wasted no time in pulling Kurt into their bedroom. Up until that point they had not had sex, only engaging in other intimate acts. Kurt had just never felt ready to take that next step in their relationship, something he had known bugged Blaine just a tiny bit. Always being respectful though, Blaine had never pressured him into it. That night Blaine tried steering things in that direction though and Kurt had just let him. Later he had felt a tad upset that their first time having sex was because he had wanted Blaine to stop feeling so jealous, but the next time made up for it. Blaine felt bad that Kurt's first time had not been really romantic. The second time involved a nice dinner, candles and music, and they were up all night. It was everything Kurt had wanted it to be.

Leaving the cab, Kurt made his way up to his floor in the apartment building, locking the door behind him. Now that he was home he did not know what to do. He did not feel like sleeping just yet. Knowing it was not a good idea, but not really caring now that he was at home and at least safe from doing anything too stupid out in public if he drank too much, Kurt went into the kitchen and got some wine out from the cupboard. Taking the bottle and a glass out into his living room, Kurt sat on the couch and poured himself a glass. He almost laughed at the fact that he was sitting at home, alone, drinking.

Before he took a sip though, he pulled his cell phone out and called into his office. No one was there to answer at this point at night, but he just needed to leave a message for his secretary to get in the morning. He told her that something had come up and he would be gone for a few days. She would just have to take messages for him from people. After he left that message he texted Rachel and told her he was taking a few days off to visit her. He would get over to her place in the afternoon.

Setting his phone on the coffee table, Kurt relaxed into the couch and started sipping at his drink. After finishing his first glass he just poured himself another one and kept on going. This was completely stupid and lame, but by that point Kurt did not care. Hopefully getting at least a little bit drunk would help him forget about his problems just for that night.

His cell phone buzzed against the top of the coffee table and he picked it up. He could feel his heart sink when he saw who the text was from. Why hadn't he changed his cell phone number yet?

'I'm sorry' was all the text from Blaine said.

_Sorry?_ Kurt glared at his phone screen. What was Blaine sorry for? That he had pretty much ripped Kurt's heart from his chest and stomped on it? Or was Blaine sorry for wasting all those years with him? Maybe he was, for all Kurt knew. Up until that terrible day it had never seemed like Blaine regretted being with him. He told Kurt how much he loved him all the time.

People said true love could hurt. Kurt had never understood completely until he lost Blaine and realized that he did not just love Blaine like he loved his family and friends...he was _in love_ with Blaine.

Losing Blaine had him feeling like he was dying.

Kurt debated whether or not to even reply. In the end his fingers moved across the touch screen keyboard of his phone without him even really thinking about it.

'_You ended us, Blaine, for no fucking reason at all it seems; it's killing me. I'm sorry is not going to cut it_.'

He regretted sending the message as soon as he had sent it. Continuing to communicate with Blaine was not going to make things any easier. So Kurt turned off his cell phone and then set to work finishing off the entire bottle of wine. For some reason he thought it would be good to grab the other bottle he had and finished off half of that as well.

By the time he finished drinking he was too tired and too drunk to even remember having seen Blaine in his office that day. He fell asleep on the couch and did not wake up until shortly before twelve in the afternoon the next day.

* * *

><p>His head was aching terribly and he spent a few miserable moments throwing up in the bathroom. He hated throwing up. A few Advil and some toast later had him feeling slightly better. He had to shower and pack a few things for his stay at Rachel's then, which reminded him he had to turn his cell phone back on.<p>

There was a missed call from his office, which was probably his secretary checking to see if he was alright because she worried about him a lot, and then there were two texts.

One was from Rachel, telling him to take his time and that she would be home all day.

The other was from Blaine.

Kurt deleted it without even bothering to see what it said.

Kurt liked to walk around New York City sometimes just for the fun of it. He had tried a few times since losing Blaine, but he always seemed to see someone who looked like Blaine in passing or so and it would ruin his mood. So he had stopped.

After making it to Rachel's though he found out that she was determined that they were going to go out and about for a little bit, just for the fun of it. She hated the thought of him always spending so much time home alone, never going anywhere.

So they went out and walked around, stopping to have dinner at a nice little restaurant. Kurt had finally managed to relax quite a bit too.

It was not until they got back to Rachel's apartment that night that the topic of Blaine came up. They had changed into pajamas and were sitting on Rachel's bed with cookies. Kurt was doing Rachel's nails as they talked.

"I still can't believe he showed up at your office." Rachel huffed, trying to hold still as Kurt painted her nails a soft red.

Kurt groaned, shaking his head sadly as he concentrated on his task. "It was horrible. I could barely even look at him. I mean, what was he even thinking? I'm just glad Finn's been away for football. He's always sworn he would, like, maim Blaine or something if he ever hurt me. I don't even know how to tell Finn by this point."

Finn, his half brother, had joined the Ohio state football team after college. He was away for football season currently, but when he was able to be home he spent most of his time in New York with Rachel. They had been together ever since their senior year of high school and were engaged to be married soon. Kurt had been the first to find out, and he had been the one they had asked to help organize the wedding as well. Of course they had not even had to ask twice. Kurt loved handling that sort of stuff and he was happy for his best friend and half brother.

And he was still happy for them...he just did not like thinking about weddings too much anymore, considering his own had technically been canceled.

"I'll tell Finn, if you'd like." Rachel told him. "I'm sure I can keep him from literally maiming him. Not that I don't think Blaine would deserve it, you know. There should be lots of maiming. He was a complete jerk for leaving you like that."

Kurt sighed, finishing up the nails on Rachel's left hand. "Well, it might be safer for you to tell Finn. He does normally listen to you more than me."

They continued their conversation way long after Kurt had finished with Rachel's nails. By the time they decided to get to sleep it was after one in the morning. When they went to sleep they just shared Rachel's bed. Kurt was glad the lights were off when Rachel decided to cuddle close to him, because his eyes teared up. He had not cuddled with anyone at night since losing Blaine and he missed it.

He would give anything to not be sleeping alone anymore.

Around six in the morning he was woken up by Rachel lightly shaking his shoulder.

"Kurt?"

"What is it?" Kurt asked sleepily. He turned slightly so he could see his best friend's shadowy figure next to him in the dark room.

"You were talking in your sleep." Rachel informed him quietly. "I didn't know if it was because of a bad dream or not so I wanted to wake you up."

Kurt frowned. He did not normally talk in his sleep; it usually only happened when he was under a lot of stress. He found it to be kind of embarrassing too. "What was I saying?"

Rachel did not answer him at first. When she did though, she sounded a little sad, and like she did not really want to mention it. "You said Blaine's name, and something like 'leave your keys on the table when you go'. You sounded awfully sad and I was worried."

"Oh..." Kurt really hated his mind right now. "That was...that was one of the last things Blaine said to me before I left his apartment that night."

"I'm sorry, Kurt." Rachel lay back down and put her arm around his waist, pulling him closer. Kurt hid his face in her shoulder, sighing. "Do you want to talk some more?"

He shook his head in reply. "No...Let's just try to get back to sleep." They were quiet after that and eventually he could hear the soft, even sounds of Rachel's breathing as she had fallen back to sleep. He himself could not sleep.

After college he and Blaine continued living together. Blaine was teaching music at a school in the city and Kurt was busy designing away. His talent had not gone unnoticed for long while in college and things were looking promising for him.

On the day of his 26th birthday Blaine actually proposed to him in front of his family and friends at his birthday dinner. Kurt had cried and said yes, kissing him like mad and not even caring that everyone was watching. It was one of those moments you were supposed to happily remember forever. Now it was just another one of those memories that caused Kurt pain. The engagement ring went right on his finger to join the promise ring that was still there.

Everything seemed fine even then, but two months later things came crashing down. Kurt was still not sure what went wrong.

Probably because Blaine never gave him a real reason.

It was near the end of the month and Kurt had just found out about the show his new line would be shown in. He was thrilled. Things had been quite hectic the weeks before, between Kurt finishing up the designs for his new line and all the work he had been doing planning both his own and Rachel and Finn's wedding.

That terrible night he came home, feeling rather cheerful, and was looking forward to just spending the night cuddling with his future husband.

His cheerful mood had seemed to dissipate into thin air as soon as he had walked into their apartment and noticed his things were all packed up into bags by the entrance.

Calling for Blaine, he had walked into their bedroom to see his fiancée sitting at the edge of the bed. He had looked calm, but something felt off.

"Blaine?" He had walked over to stand next to him, giving him a concerned look. "Um, why the heck are my things sitting by the door?"

"It's over, Kurt." Blaine had looked up at him, an unreadable look upon his face.

Over? Kurt had not understood. "What do you mean, over? Blaine, I don't understand. How can we just be 'over'?"

"We are." Blaine just replied. "I saved you the trouble of packing everything. Now I just want you to leave."

"What the fuck? Blaine," Kurt's hands had been shaking and he had felt his heart pounding in his chest, "you can't just- you have to tell me what's going on. Did I do something wrong?"

"How could you ever do anything wrong?" Blaine had replied.

Kurt had been confused and had started to get really upset. "If I didn't do anything wrong then why the hell are you ending this? I love you, Blaine. And you've told me plenty of times you love me too. That's not something you just take back. Not after all we've been through and how far we've come."

Not once through that entire conversation had Blaine's expression changed. It had been unreadable. Kurt had not been able to tell what Blaine was feeling that night.

"Can you leave now, Kurt? I'm freaking tired." Blaine had just replied. "I don't want to do this anymore. Just leave your keys on the table before you go."

He had still stared as Kurt's eyes welled up with tears. Kurt's heart had felt like it was tearing into a million pieces and all he had wanted to do was just shake Blaine and demand a real explanation. Why hadn't he?

"Blaine, please..." Kurt had not known what else to say, "I can't just...if I walk out that door I'm never coming back and I don't want this to end. Blaine..." Tears had flowed freely down his face and he had reached out to Blaine with a shaking hand.

Blaine had not said a word and had just watched as Kurt finally just turned and left the room, slamming the door behind him. As soon as Kurt had slammed the door shut he had turned around and thrown the engagement ring Blaine had given him at the door, not caring to see where it landed.

Kurt had gone to Rachel's then, bursting into sobs as soon as she had opened the door. She had ushered him in quickly, helping him set his bags inside before rushing him to the couch to find out what had happened. She had been furious with Blaine after Kurt had told her everything. Nothing made sense to Kurt though; he could see no good reason as to why Blaine had ended their relationship. The very next day Rachel had went over and tried to confront Blaine about it. Blaine had apparently shut the door in her face.

Rachel had let Kurt stay with her until he had found a new apartment, which thankfully had not taken him long. It had been such a long time since he had lived alone though that he had been terribly uncomfortable when he first moved in to his new apartment.

At first he had tried contacting Blaine a few times but he had never gotten any replies. Eventually he had given up trying. And then a month had gone by and Blaine had shown up at his office, saying he loved him, and texting him later with that 'I'm sorry'. Kurt did not know what to think, but he did know he could not allow himself to continue being emotionally tossed about. And he had a feeling that would be exactly what would happen if he continued keeping contact with Blaine.

The best thing would just be for him to continue focusing on his work. Eventually he would be able to at least feel better, right? Because there was no way he could ever just forget the love of his life.

It was not soon before Kurt fell asleep once more.


	2. Epilogue

_So...you don't have to read this epilogue. Honestly I wasn't even going to write it. But I figured it might be nice to actually give a reason as to why Blaine ended their relationship, since I knew some people would be like 'what the eff happened?' So yeah. Here ya go. It's nothing but depressing._

* * *

><p>It was going on four months since Blaine had ended their relationship. Since that day at the office and the text he had gotten, Kurt had not heard from Blaine once.<p>

Things have gotten easier, he supposes. As long as he does not spend too much time thinking about Blaine it is easier for him to ignore the aching in his heart, or the sadness that always threatens to creep in at any moment.

Rachel and Finn's wedding had been a success. Kurt had actually helped design the dress Rachel had worn and he had received many compliments. He had been thoroughly happy for his best friend and his half brother, so smiling had come easy for him through the entire day. Unfortunately that night he had not been able to stop the depressing thoughts that had slithered into his head, causing him to cry through most of the night.

That night was the only really bad night he had had though since that day Blaine had visited.

His career was going brilliantly and luckily that gave him plenty to focus on. The reporter, Molly, was still trying to constantly find some dirt on him, but she never succeeded. Apparently she was never going to give up though, so Kurt was constantly on his guard. Ah well. Such was his life.

Unfortunately it was at the point that he was starting to think things could really get better that everything got worse.

It was a Friday afternoon when his secretary called him in his office, saying he had a call from a Mr. Willard. Kurt had no idea who that was, but he accepted the call anyway.

"Hello?"

"This is Mr. Kurt Hummel, correct?" Mr. Willard's voice was old, tired sounding.

"Yes." Kurt replied, picking up a small stack of papers to put them away in his filing cabinet.

"I'm Mr. Willard, the funeral director from the county funeral home. We've been informed you're in New York, but we'll need you to come here to Ohio."

Kurt had frozen at the word 'funeral'. Who had died? His heart was pounding in his chest, fear spreading through him leaving an icy cold trail. "I don't understand," he replied nervously, "why...why do you need me to come to Ohio?"

Mr. Willard did not respond right away and Kurt was wondering if that was because the funeral director had expected him to already know about this person's death. Well, obviously he did not and the suspense was killing him.

"I had assumed you had already been told." The funeral director did sound slightly surprised. "I regret being the one to inform you about this, but Blaine Anderson has passed away."

Kurt dropped the stack of papers he had been holding, black spots crowding his vision as he watched the papers fall to the floor in a mess.

* * *

><p>Kurt had not asked for details over the phone. He wanted to wait until he got to Ohio. Mr. Willard had informed him that there was a few things left for him that he would have to come collect.<p>

Kurt was not sure he wanted those things, whatever they were.

When he got off the plane his father was waiting for him. Kurt had eventually gotten around to telling his father and Carole about what had happened between him and Blaine. His father, Burt, had been furious, but Kurt had asked him not to talk to Blaine. Things were over between them and Kurt had been trying to accept that.

"Hey, Kurt."

"Dad." Kurt hugged his father tightly as soon as he reached him. No, Kurt had not cried yet since finding out about Blaine's death - he was still mainly in shock – but that did not mean he was not upset over it. Tears were dangerously close to the surface, but Kurt needed to keep them back for now.

"I'll drive you over to the funeral home." His father spoke quietly, hugging him back. He knew how hard this was going to be for his son, even despite the fact that Kurt and Blaine's relationship had not ended well. They headed out to the car and it was quiet as they headed over to the funeral home.

Kurt had asked to go in alone when they got there, so his father waited out in the car as he went in. Mr. Willard met him in the lobby. He was a tall, older man with black hair that had a few graying streaks in it.

Kurt hardly could remember half of what the funeral director said to him. When Mr. Willard handed him a small box though, he was hesitant to take it. As curious as he was he also was still kind of upset over how things had ended between him and Blaine. Having something of Blaine's around was not going to help him forget that.

The funeral director insisted he take the box though and in the end Kurt relented and took it. He would not open it right then though.

After leaving the funeral home, Burt drove them home. Kurt was of course welcome to stay for as long as he wanted. He would sleep in his old room. The funeral itself was in a few days time.

Kurt was not sure if he would even go.

He knew he was being awful. His relationship with Blaine had lasted for almost ten years; those years being pretty much the best of his life. There was just that one day that marred it, casting an evil shadow over all the happy memories.

Kurt went to the funeral. Well, he did not go to the church service, because he knew what those were like: people all crying and sharing fond memories. It was depressing. Plus he did not believe in God. Churches were not places Kurt enjoyed walking into.

He reached the cemetery just as the pastor started talking over Blaine's casket. Clouds had covered the sunlight, darkening the scene before him slightly as a small cool breeze blew by. Kurt stayed by his car, dark sunglasses covering his eyes as he watched the small crowd that stood halfway across the field of graves. The pastor's words barely reached his ears, but Kurt hardly cared. Right now he did not care about the Blaine these people knew, he only cared about the Blaine that he himself had known. The wonderful, sweet, caring, smart, well-mannered, gentleman that he was supposed to spend the rest of his life with...until Blaine had ruined that for no damn good reason.

The box he had received from the funeral director was still sitting on top of the dresser in his old bedroom. Kurt had yet to open it. He had yet to ask how Blaine had died too. His father had mentioned something about hearing Blaine had been sick for a while, but he was unsure whether that was the direct cause or not.

Waiting till after the casket was lowered into the ground, Kurt then got back into his car and drove off. He could not watch it being covered with dirt, knowing that Blaine's body was in there.

* * *

><p>His father, Carole, and Finn had planned to go to the small reception after the outside part of the funeral. Kurt had a few hours to himself until they returned. He was going to finally open the box.<p>

Changing out of his suit, Kurt got into more comfortable clothing then curled up on his bed, holding the box in his lap. It was not all that heavy at least. Something rattled about inside a bit when he shook it. He managed to get the tape off and then he paused again. What was inside? Would he be better off not knowing? Eventually he gave in and opened the box, peeking inside.

A small envelope, two concert tickets, a plastic wrapped card that contained a pressed Jasmine flower, and a ring lay inside.

Kurt picked the ring up first. It was the engagement ring Blaine had given him. The one Kurt had thrown at the door before leaving that terrible day those couple of months ago. Why had Blaine put it in this box? Setting the ring back down in the box, Kurt then picked up the plastic wrapped card. Before he could stop it a small smile tugged at his lips. He remembered this card. Blaine had gotten it for him on their trip to France. Well, he had gotten the flower, knowing how much Kurt loved Jasmine, and then had pressed it on the card and wrapped it so Kurt could keep it forever. Kurt had thought he had lost it at one point and had cried even though Blaine had said it was okay. Now he wondered where it had been all this time. The next things in the box were the two concert tickets. Curious, Kurt picked them up and looked at the small print. He gasped when he saw the date and the artist. They were tickets to the Lady Gaga concert Blaine and he had snuck into all those many years ago in college. How the heck had Blaine gotten them? And if he had had them then why did they sneak in? Kurt was starting to feel a little angry. Blaine had ended their relationship, leaving Kurt with plenty of questions as to why, and now Blaine was dead and leaving him with even more questions that could never be answered. Why did Blaine have to mess with him like this?

The last thing in the box was the small envelope. Kurt picked it up and opened it carefully, peeking inside to see a folded up letter. Well, that might possibly help answer his questions. His fingers trembling slightly, Kurt pulled the letter out and unfolded it. It was a very long letter. He recognized Blaine's small, neat handwriting instantly.

_Kurt,_

_My beautiful, sweet, marvelous Kurt,_

_I'm sorry._

_I can only imagine what these past few months have been like for you. Knowing that I've been the cause of your pain and sadness tears me up inside. And it just makes me feel worse for what I'm about to tell you. _

_The reason I ended our relationship was because I was dying. Well, technically it was not definite that I was dying at the time, but the doctors were still unable to give me evidence to prove otherwise so I pretty much assumed that death was where I was heading. _

_Could you imagine how I felt after realizing that? Dying. I would not be able to spend the rest of our lives living together like we dreamed. How could I tell you that? How could I spend the rest of my days left watching you suffer knowing that soon I would be leaving you?_

_So I took a cowardly route. I ended our relationship. I did not tell you about my illness. I hoped that maybe it would be easier for you to move on and forget about me if I made you angry by just ending everything. _

_Sadly I could not stay away. I found myself looking for every bit of information about you I could find in fashion magazines; I even walked by your office on occasion hoping to get a glimpse of you again. After a month went by I could no longer stand it. I had to see you up close again, hear your voice, anything. Yet when I walked into that office...you looked so miserable, so hurt, and I felt my heart tearing in two. I couldn't believe how awful I had been, causing you so much hurt. I wanted to apologize to you right then, tell you everything, but I knew you would not have listened even if I tried. You were pissed, and you had every right to be. So I said the only thing I could; I told you I loved you and I meant it. _

_I will always love you._

_I apologized that night, hoping you would maybe talk to me then, but you never replied to my next text. It confused me a little, because I had said that I was going to tell you the truth. Did you really not want to hear? Maybe you just never looked at the text. That could be it._

_I had a doctor's appointment the next day. The doctor ended up confirming my suspicions. I would not make it. I had at the most five months. Five months. It felt really odd knowing you had a time limit on the rest of your life. It really makes you start to wonder what the hell you should plan to do with the remaining time you have left._

_I should have spent it with you. I wanted to. You have no idea how badly I wanted to. I just could not stop thinking about how unfair it would be for you, knowing that I would not be around forever. What if we had spent those last few months together and then when I died you never moved on? I did not want that for you. Kurt, I want you to be happy. Your happiness means the world to me. And I want you to be able to move on, meet someone else who will treat you as well as I hopefully did, and then live your life to the fullest. You deserve all that and more, Kurt, you do. _

_So I decided the easiest thing to do would be move back to Ohio. I would be far enough away that I would not be tempted to just show up at your apartment one day and beg for you to take me back. My mother thoroughly disapproved of my actions; she was furious. I had to beg for days before she finally agreed not to contact you and tell you what was really going on._

_I spent the rest of my time pretty much focused on you, Kurt. I always tried to find everything I could on you from the news, online, anything. I wish I could tell you now, in person, how proud I am of how far you've come. You're living your dream, Kurt, and you are amazing, an inspiration. _

_I need to tell you about the other things I put in this box. When I moved back to Ohio my parents demanded I move back home so they could watch over me. I hated the thought of doing so, but in the end I did. It was convenient to say the least, considering I had to pay hospital bills and did not have a lot of money for rent somewhere. I shoved a lot of my stuff into their attic and went through it when I had the time. One day while looking through an old box of stuff I found that old pressed Jasmine flower I found for you in France. Do you remember how you cried the day you realized you had lost it? I felt terrible, but I knew it would show up at some point. That flower was the most special souvenir we brought back with us. Every time I looked at it I was reminded of our trip and that day at the Eiffel tower when you agreed to move in with me; that day when we promised we would last forever and I gave you that promise ring. I hope it doesn't get lost ever again, because I want you to always be able to remember that trip. Then there are the concert tickets. I know you're probably wondering why the hell we snuck in if I had had tickets all along. Truth is, I did not get those until the day before, and they were from my friend who found out he could no longer go and had no one to take along anyway. The seats were terrible, honestly. We would not have been able to see much of anything. And I knew that if you were going to see that concert than I wanted you to have the best night of your life. Plus you had been really uptight around that time and I figured you needed something fun and risky to help loosen you up a little. And you can't honestly say you did not enjoy the thrill at least a little bit. That concert was amazing, and you looked absolutely beautiful as you stood there tearing up to 'Born This Way'. I had been waiting for so long to tell you how much I loved you. I knew how important those three words would be for you and I had been waiting for the right moment. That night was the right time. And oh how your eyes lit up when I spoke them. I'm sure now that there have only been a few other times I've seen you that happy. One of those times being the day I proposed to you._

_And that leads me to the last thing in the box: your engagement ring. I'm assuming you threw it at our bedroom door the night I ended our relationship. I did not hear because as soon as you slammed that door I practically smothered my face in my pillow to keep from screaming. The next morning when I left my room and saw it on the floor I cried. The end of our relationship was never something I wanted, Kurt. I never wanted to lose you at all. You're the love of my life and no matter what I will always love you, even in whatever afterlife awaits me. I remember how surprised you were at first that day, your birthday, when I proposed. My heart felt like it was going to explode out of my chest when you said 'yes'. The ring I picked out was not gaudy, because I knew you hated things like that. I had to find something that was just as stunning and uniquely beautiful as you are. Kurt, you don't have to keep the ring, but I hope you do. _

_As much as I want you to move on, be happy, and love again, I also don't want you to forget about me or the love we shared. It was there, our love was real, Kurt, and I will always be with you. Forever._

_It's going on our fourth month apart now. I miss you so much. _

_Hopefully when you get this letter it will clear things up and you'll be able to forgive me at least a little bit. There's so much more I want to say, but this letter is already long enough._

_Forgive me. I'm sorry._

_I love you._

_Forever and always,_

_Yours,_

_Blaine._

By the time Kurt was half way through the letter he was in tears. Once he finished reading it the letter fell from his grasp before his head fell into his hands and he sobbed.

Later that evening Kurt was at the cemetery once more. He found Blaine's gravestone and collapsed next to it, not even caring that he might get dirt or grass stains on his clothing.

"Why didn't you just tell me, Blaine?" Kurt sobbed once more, resting his forehead against the cold of the headstone. Blaine should have told him. They could have spent those last few months together. "I can never move on. You're the love of my life too. No one could ever make me as happy as you have."

Before leaving the cemetery, Kurt left a small jasmine plant next to the headstone. He whispered a soft 'I love you' before getting into his car.

A week later Kurt was back in New York. The plastic wrapped pressed flower was put in a frame to sit on top of his dresser and the concert tickets were kept in his box of special things. The engagement ring went with the promise ring Blaine had given him. Kurt had kept it on a thin chain around his neck, hidden under his shirt, all this time.

When he went back to work and was asked questions all he said was that he had attended a funeral. Everyone accepted this and moved on, considering Kurt was acting as normal and happy as he always was.

Well, almost everyone accepted it.

Molly had done some digging of course and had recognized Blaine from his visit those months ago to Kurt's office. It did not take her long to start asking questions.

Kurt was not going to just talk about Blaine, so he offered Molly a trade.

"I have an idea, Molly." He informed her. "You promise to never mention Blaine in anything you write about me, and I'll do something you've been begging me for ages."

"What's that?" Molly asked, looking quite interested.

Kurt linked arms with Molly and led the way out of his office. "How about you and I go get a drink and I'll let you know a little bit more about Kurt Hummel."


End file.
